3%
He thinks there is a 3% chance of reoccurence. He, the oncologist. I think I can live with 3%. I probably have a greater chance of getting smacked by a bus while running across the road to get coffee one morning. There's probably a greater chance of dying from stupidity now rather than cancer.
I think I'm ok with 3%.
There is a possibility to lower that even more if I wanted to engage in a drug regime. Right now, I think I'm ok with the 3%. My husband reminded me that this is not a static decision and that we can reevaluate later, if we want. The side effects and risks of the drug regime may not be worth the extra percentage point reduction.
I'm still processing this scenario. For the last year, we have been focused on the "plan". Now, aside from getting some areolas tattoed, the plan is complete.
Now what?
Does there need to be anything else?
While adhering to the plan, I felt like I was doing something. I was taking an active role is combating cancer and not letting it kill me. Now I need to be comfortable with a less active strategy. Yes, I need to eat healthier, exercise more, increase my calcium intake (but that is due to going through menopause twenty years earlier than normal) and other general health initiatives, but am I ok with not having an active fight on my hands. I know that seems crazy, but I'm trying to challenge myself to not worry about that 3%.
And with that challenge, do I remove myself from this cancer-centric community I've created. Can I even do that?
What do I write about now, if not cancer? Do I write about my experience with other women that are going through this? Do I keep updating people on my fake boobs (um, no). There are still plenty of issues that I am going to struggle with that pertain to breast cancer. I have baggage. I have twenty years of baggage. Keeping myself in a positive head space may be a real challenge for me. How do I keep myself from extrapolating my mother's experience to my own? How do I not become consumed with fear that this disease will affect my young daughter's life before we are prepared for it?
It'll be interesting to see what I want to keep writing about. Maybe it will be canning or Junior League or guns..... stay tuned.
