False Teeth

Yesterday was my axillary disection (aka: get rid of cancerous lymph nodes) surgery.  I spent the morning doing my pre-surgery routine.  Washing all the bedding, mopping the floors in the bedroom and bathroom, wiping everything down with Clorox wipes, making sure all my neccessities (remote, book, phone charger, chocolate covered cherries...) are within arm's reach of the bed.  I wasn't expecting a difficult recovery, but it's better to be prepared.

I was advised to get to the surgery center early since they tend to run ahead of schedule.  They weren't yesterday, so Walter and I got to sit in the pre-op area for quite a while.  The funny thing about that is that everyone going through surgery is staged in the same large room, with curtains dividing them.  I don't even know why HIPPA matters, as you can hear EVERYTHING everyone is saying.  Names, personal ID information, procedures, afflictions, etc.  I heard all kinds of things yesterday.  Popular topics:

Horses.  People like horses and so do nurses and doctors.  There was a lot of horse talk yesterday.

False Teeth.  You can't have surgery with your false teeth in, so the teeth come out and your family member gets to hang on to them.

Bad Jokes.  The older gentlemen seem to like to joke with the nurses and be slightly cantankerous.  Their material is pretty bad.

Crackers and Pudding.  There are big promises of a fountain drink machine with the good ice and all the crackers and pudding you can eat.  It sounds glorious while you're in pre-op and going on 15 hours of no food or drink.

The surgery went well, "textbook" according to the surgeon.  Somewhere between 5-15 nodes were removed.  Pathology will take a few days to go through all the tissue.

I forgot how sucky post-op is.  I hate that feeling.  Disorientation, numbness, tingling, anxiety and nausea.  You can't get comfortable and you just want to get home and roll into bed.  I try and speed up the discharge process and just start getting dressed.  It usually works.  We were out and on our way home in the chilly weather.

Walter has been a great nurse.  It's unfortunate that he's had so much practice, with me as the patient.  He makes sure that we are following all of the instructions and that I'm not doing something I'm not supposed to be doing.  He also stares at me a lot.  I think he feels like concentrated staring is how one effectively observes the patient.  I disagree, but am grateful for a partner that takes such good care of me.

So, now I rest and recover.  Milk my drains, gently stretch and walk, eat good food and stay hydrated.  And wait.  So much waiting.  Wait for the pathology report that will help determine the chemo regime.  Wait for the healing and the release to go back to work.  Wait and watch for side-effects from the nodes being gone.  Waiting is part of it, no way around it.

Thank you to everyone that sent kind words, said a prayer, rubbed some crystals and made countless offers to help us.  We have an amazing village!

Time to get back to bed, where I hope to not have more dreams about riding my horse without my false teeth.

Let's Get this Party Started!

One day back to the office today and then the next party starts tomorrow.

My axillary Disection is tomorrow afternoon.  The surgery is out-patient and shouldn't take too long.  I'll have one drain (always a pleasure), but don't expect anything too traumatic.  To be honest, there doesn't seem to be much to remove.  From what I can feel, there is very little tissue under my arm, so I'm not sure how much trauma I'll have in that area (should have paid more attention in anatomy class).

I'll be home recovering and ringing in the new year (just how I had planned...um, no).  Then back for follow-ups, pathology readings and talking about my chemo plan.

I am nervous about developing lymphadema in that area since the nodes will be gone and I'm bummed thinking about a spring without the energy that I want to do the things I want. My plan is to muscle through and just keep on keeping on.

I hope you had a great Christmas and have a wonderful new year planned with those you love.

An Outlier

I'm an outlier.
At least that's what the oncologist told me.

A couple of weeks ago I decided to call me surgeon about an annoying spot of tissue that I noticed around the scar of my original lymph node biopsy.  I've been running and working out more and the sleeveless workout shirts kept pressing on the spot, forcing me to not forget it.  I assumed it was some scar tissue from the original surgeries or fatty necrosis.  I called and got in that day on a cancellation. Dr. Cross did an ultrasound and said that he didn't like how it looked and did a needle biopsy.  He called two days later to tell me that is was positive.  Argh.  Over the next week, I had an MRI and PET scan.  The MRI showed that the spot in question was a lymph node, so the cancer is systemic and needs to be treated such.  PET scan came back clear (so thankful!) except for the node area in question.  We met with the oncologist Friday and he was surprised.  He said I was an outlier and that my situation was a 1 in 100 occurrence.  I should have purchased a lottery ticket.
So, I have a plan:
-  Immediately start hormone blockers
-  Schedule an axillary dissection at the beginning of January to remove the set of nodes.
-  Start four months of chemo after the surgery
-  Visit with the radiation folks about benefits.
-  Stay on hormone blockers for at least five years

So, I thought I had finished the cancer journey and just had to complain about hot flashes and all the fun things that come with menopause, but this will be another leg of the journey to get cancer-free.

I'm not thrilled, but am feeling confident about it.  My thoughts went to some very dark places for a few days, but the prognosis is good and I'm healthy, strong and snarky.  I can do this.

Thank you all for following along.  There have already been some absurd and funny situations that I'll share later.

Enjoy life, hold the ones you love, be kind and touch yourself often.  ;)

Getting Inked

I love the Time Hop app.
I hate the Time Hop app.

Some days reminders pop up and I just smile or laugh at the joy on my face or the faces of my family.  Some days reminders pop up and I think, "Really?  Has it been that long?"

This week was the two-year anniversary of my implants exchange and my hysterectemony/salping-oopherectomy.  While others were at the beach, I was having surgery that would throw me into menopause twenty years earlier than expected and give me Barbie boobies.

I also got tatted up!

I kept putting getting areola tattoos (remember, I'm an open book... if this makes you uncomfortable, then this blog isn't for you) on the back burner.  "Let's see, I have a loan closing at 10:30, lunch with a new client and then I could squeeze in the areola tattoos at 2:00.  Great, send me a Outlook appointment."  Yup, that was the actual conversation with the scheduling nurse.

I had the procedure done at Dr. Stacey's office by his nurse.  They use the same equipment that would be used for permanent eyeliner and other cosmetic procedures.  A bunch of random circle items were pulled out of the drawer.

Donut size?  No.
Half dollar size?  No.
Triangles?  Just kidding.  No.

After a few different tries, we settled on the size and placement.  After some shots of numbing med (was surprised to have more feeling in certain areas than I expected), she tattooed the area, applied some triple antibiotic and bandages and sent me on my way.  That was it.

I guess I could have skipped this step in the reconstruction process, but I'm glad I didn't.  I know that things won't be the same as they were.  I'm not trying to recreate what I had, but it is good for my mental state to not be constantly reminded of the surgery.  It's nice to glance in the mirror and almost not notice the five-inch, fading scars across each breast.  

I also got to see the great folks at Dr. Stacey's office.  They have been great through this whole process and a huge source of comfort and support.  We talked about my "portrait portfolio".  When I was going through the consultations with the surgeon, there were a lot of "before" and "after" pictures, but nothing that showed the process.  I tried to stay away from looking at things on the internet, because there is very little curation.  I decided that could be part of my contribution to future patients...pictures of my breasts.  HA!  Who would have thought...  So, at EVERY visit, we took photos.  The nurse said that the portfolio has been incredibly helpful for those that wanted to know about the different stages.  

Over the last few months, I've been put into contact with young women that are choosing to have prophylactic surgery due to their high risk.  Wow!  What badasses!  They are taking control of that variable in the life calculation and changing it.  I really have to hand it to them.  It's one thing to go through the surgeries and recovery because of a diagnosis and prescription of care, but to make the decision to go through it to reduce the risk of a "what if"...well, that's a big decision and I applaud them.  I applaud them for not running from the facts and thinking that if they don't address the risk, it just won't happen.  Knowledge is power, right.  Knowledge isn't easy and it can make things even more difficult...ignorance is bliss, right?  That's right...blissful, until you die...and then I guess you don't need to deal with it, just the family that is left behind.  Whoa, that got dark quickly.  Not my intent.

Kuddos to those women that embrace the information about their health and decide to do something about it.  Great jobs ladies!  I'd give you an air-chest bumps if you didn't currently have your turtle shell expanders in and would cause me bruising. ;)

So, keep it up my women-friends!  You are doing great!  It may not seem like it at the time, but you are really kicking some ass.  Cut yourself some slack, grab the box of Cheez Its, draw the blinds and binge watch OITNB, if that is what helps you get through this.  And, if someone has something snarky to say about it, just give them my number and I'm happy to schedule a good ole ass whooping in between client lunches and areola tattooing.

Stay strong ladies!

Update - Two Years Post-Surgery

It's been a while.

I don't post much on this blog any more and have moved my focus over to www.eileenbjennings.com.  That being said, events over the last couple of weeks have brought the subject of my breast cancer experience back to the forefront of my thoughts.  My Timehop app kept reminding me that it has been a little over two years since my mastectomy and reconstruction surgeries.  It kept reminding me that this blog was a huge part of my recovery/therapy during that time.  I have had a few friends that have been diagnosed with breast cancer and are going through their own journey with the process.  I have also had a number of friends test positive for the BRAC genes and decide to a have a prophylactic mastectomy to curb their risk of developing breast cancer.  And then yesterday, my plastic surgeon's office called yesterday.  Would I be willing to talk with a patient who has been recently diagnosed and will be having a mastectomy soon?  Of course.  The nurse also told me that they give my blog address to patients and they find it helpful.  Who knew?  Snarkiness can help?  Love it.

So here is a quick update:

-  Things are good.  All of my follow-ups with surgeons and oncologists have been good.  They tell me to be diligent, but that my risk is very low for re-occurrence.
-  Menopause has not been fun, but it hasn't been that bad either.  I was going to go through it at some point any way...why not go cold-turkey.  I have to think like a 55-year-old woman and focus on bone density, mental sharpness, etc., but it's better than cancer.
- The fake breasts are getting better.  They were very perky and high (I could hold a flashlight in my cleavage...seriously) and now things are a bit more relaxed and there is more movement.  I haven't had the last procedure (medical tattooing) because it has take a long time for my scars to fade.  That will happen soon.
-  Post-traumatic stress is real.  It took a while to internally acknowledge that what I went through was difficult and took a fair amount resolve to endure.  I didn't need to minimize it.  It happened, it was hard and I made it.

So, things aren't the same as they were pre-cancer, but they aren't bad.  We all will have challenges that we have to work through and we can't expect ourselves to remain the same through it all.

To those that read this that I will never talk with or meet.  Hang in there.  Your cancer story is your cancer story.  Don't compare it to others.  Do what feels right and keep asking for help until you feel as satisfied as you can.

Best wishes to all.