Standard Deviation

Another blissful week of having my good buddy, The Drain.  I'm just a few milliliters away from the goal, but it's not anything that can be rushed.  If we take it out too early, fluid could pool around the surgery site.  Due to my implants and lack of tissue, a needle excision is risky.  So...I'll be patient.  I did get released to drive and go back to work (yeah!).  It's good to be back in a routine and get back to making sh*t happen.  Trying to stay away from using my right arm is a little challenging.  I can use it, but can't pick up anything over five pounds or do anything strenuous.  It has made me realize how right-side dominant I am.

My oncologist sent my tumor off for another test.  The test analyzes the DNA of the cancer and then scores the risk of reoccurence.  If the score comes back low, then we may omit one of the chemo drugs from the cocktail.  I've struggled a bit with the anticipated results of the test.  Since they are calling this a reoccurrence, doesn't that prove that the chance of reoccurrence is high?  Not necessarily.  I could be at a low risk of reoccurrence, but still get it because I'm on the wrong side of the odds.  Ugh.  Remember how I was given a 3% chance of reoccurrence two years ago?  I should have purchased lottery tickets.  I don't want to have treatments that aren't backed by solid data, but I also feel like my situation is "special".  Don't we all?  I feel like we were so proactive and aggressive the first go-around and it still came back to bite me.  It is going to be harder this time to get comfortable with the longer-term plan.  I'll get there, but it is a little disconcerting right now.  I had a doctor tell me Friday, "Yup, you are a couple of standard deviations away from the mean on this."

So, now I just focus on Mr. Drain and getting healthy and healed before chemo starts.  I hope to have a couple of weeks of good rest, eating and running before the treatments start....oh, and study up on probability analysis.  

I'm also starting to think about my chemo style.  I know that sounds kind of silly, but it is more fun than thinking about odds.  I went for an eye exam and decided to pick out some new glasses.  When I asked the gal how the pair I picked out would look being bald, she said, "Oo, you are shaving your head too?!  I'm doing mine tonight".  Um, no.  A little different. It gave me a chuckle to think that the gal thought that I would be hip enough to voluntarily shave my head.  Due to the new known variable, we picked out some very "dramatic" frames.  They are definitely not your typical boring commercial banker frames, but I think they will be fun.  And, I have cancer, so who would give me a hard time?  I've also made plans for a fun, short hair cut prior to treatments.  I think it will be less emotional to lose short hair instead of the long hair I have now.

Thank you to everyone and the continued support and well-wishes.  I really appreciate everyone!