A Hysterectomy Door Wreath

Well, I made it through!

The surgeries went great and everything turned out the way they wanted it to.  The breast surgeon said everything looked good and now I just need to heal again (they should have installed a zipper the first time).  The gynecological surgeon said that nothing surprised her and that the edge of my liver is beautiful (never heard that one before).  I've been home recovering for the last week, but things have been so much easier than the first round of surgery.  I've been in hardly any pain and having complete use of my arms is very luxurious.

Have you heard of this new trend, Birth Wreaths for your hospital door?  They are cute and fluffy and have all kinds of doo-dads hot glued to them that give the average passerby an indication that behind the door is a new mother with her sweet bundle of joy.

I saw a couple of them at the hospital last week.  To be honest, I kind of felt left out.  I should have thought ahead and had someone make me a hysterectomy/salpingoopherectomy wreath.  I'm in Junior League and I know gals that can make some kick-ass wreaths.  I think the wreath would have been made with fire red, metallic mesh and had little bottles of merlot hanging from the bow.  Maybe some cold compresses and prescription bottles of Xanax.  Just a thought.  It definitely would have been quite the contrast to the pastel blue wreath that was hanging next door.

For some reason, I find so many things funny at the hospital.  Here are a couple (besides the door wreaths):
-  When I woke up in my room after the surgery, the first thing I saw was the phone number for the lactation nurse.  Had I been a little less sedated, I probably could have played a pretty good practical joke on said nurse...especially when she found out I didn't have nipples.
-  Again, when I came out of anesthesia, my vision was blurred and I felt so gassy.  Nothing like having a bunch of nurses telling each other, "she's complaining of a lot of rectal pressure."  You should have your full wits about you when rectal pressure is being discussed in the room.
-  The early morning housekeeping aide asked me if I had a boy or girl the day before.  Um, neither.
-  The anesthesiologist thought it would be funny to joke about my pre-op pregnancy test.  Um, no.  Not funny.

So, I'm taking it easy for a little while longer before heading back to work.  I promised my husband that I would study for and pass the HAM radio exam and I want to clean out the refrigerator.  I figured I should be able to accomplish both of these things even if I'm in the middle of hot flashes.