Pink vs. Purple

Oh October.

You month of cooler weather and football.  You month of autumnal colors of yellows, oranges, reds, browns...pinks and purples.  Don't think those last two fit?  Think, "boobs" and "bruises".

October is National Breast Cancer Awareness (pink) month and Domestic Violence Awareness (purple) month.  

You kind of forgot about the purple, didn't you?  

Yep, October has been pink-washed.  There are ribbons everywhere, tshirts, NFL shoes and gloves, pink ribbon bagels, pink-outs at high school football and softball games, and special pink-labeled products for just about everything you can imagine.  It's everywhere...you can't escape the pink.

Purple...not so much.

Breast cancer is easy for most people to identify with.  Have a friend with breast cancer?  Hold her hand, drive her to chemo, bake her a chicken enchilada casserole after her surgery and joke with her about future cup size and crazy wig styles.

Have a friend whose significant other is beating her?  Not so easy.  Do you get involved?  Do you say something to the authorities?  Do you even fully believe her?

I don't want to be negative against the pinkified movement.  I have benefitted from the pink.  I received amazing care and support when I was diagnosed and many of those things were made possible by funds raised through "pink" merchandise (although, I would STRONGLY encourage everyone to know where their funds are going when they purchase their next bottle of 10W-30 or vibrator...um yeah, seriously).  One of the reasons I persevered through years of screenings and appointments was because of the media attention that the disease received and I knew I was in a high-risk category.  Given that my course of action is so fresh in my memory, there is a part of me that thinks about how my situation would be different if I was in an abusive situation.

Let's just work through that exercise.

As someone in a controlled relationship, I would not have been allowed to go see my doctor on a regular basis.  If I was allowed to see my doctor, my partner would have been with me every step of the process.  Not to offer support, but to make sure that nothing about the abusive relationship was revealed.  Those pesky medical professionals and their court-mandated reporting.  My personal health would not have been a priority.  I would have been focusing on my partner and doing anything possible to keep from being abused or having my child abused.  Maybe my partner would have allowed me to see a doctor or I would have been able to sneak into the office, but I wouldn't have been able to pay for the the copay or the deductible because he controlled all of our funds and any money that I needed to spend had to be itemized and accounted for...by him.  Maybe I would try and confide in a family member about my inkling that I might be having a health issue, but my partner would have spent the years eroding my relationship with my family and convincing me that they are part of the problem and that they don't understand our "love".  

It would have been a much different scenario.

Why go through that icky exercise?  One in four women will experience domestic violence.  Arkansas is routinely in the top ten for most violent states in the US.  Domestic Violence is still a HUGE issue.  It's not a cancer that can be cut out or zapped or poisoned.  It starts in a manipulative, seemingly loving manner and develops into something that kills and injures (physically, mentally, emotionally) too many women (I acknowledge that men are victims of domestic violence as well, but 85% of victims are women).

Thank you from the bottom of my heart (which is behind my fake boobs) for your enthusiasm about and devotion to breast cancer awareness.  Thank you for carb-loading in the name of my boobs and in memory of too many of my sweet family members and friends.  Thank you, thank you, thank you.  

Now, let's turn that enthusiasm and devotion towards the issue of domestic violence awareness.  Let's talk about it openly and OFTEN.  Let's teach our young boys and girls about healthy relationships and treating EVERYONE with respect.  Let's be sensitive to situations in our workplace, church, book club, basketball team, etc.  Speak up when someone says something that is negative and demeaning.  Open your eyes and ears.  It's all around us...all the time.

Enjoy those fall colors....