A Recalibration of Expectations

Do you like that term?  I made it up a few weeks ago and have been using it more and more.  I feel like it accurately describes what I don't do often enough. I seem to just keep ticking along in my life, without readjusting my outlook.  I've had some major changes recently and for a while, I was not recalibrating my expectations.  I thought that I could keep doing things that I used to do or feel the same way as before the event.

Sometimes the situation calls for a recalibration of other people's expectations...in the south, we call it a "come to Jesus meeting".   I've been having a few of these interactions as well lately.  These don't have to be confrontational interactions, just a good time to let the other party know how your expectations have changed.  Either they can change with you or you can work on being comfortable with the new dynamic.

Isn't that what most of us desire?  We just want to know what is expected of us so we don't let anyone down or we can manage the desired results early in the process.

How I have recalibrated recently:

-  I will not expect my house to be clean except for the first hour after my cleaning gal leaves and we aren't home.  I will continue to expect that the house will pass the sanitary standards of the local convenient store bathroom (maybe even a step above), but I won't stress out about other things.  It's not worth it.

-  I will not expect to have the same schedule I did before my surgery.  While I'm not sick or in much pain, I still don't have the energy that I used to.  It's important for me to be home most evenings and get a full night's sleep.

-  I will take more time to enjoy the small moments with my husband and sweet kiddo.  I will forego bigger events to spend more time with them.

-  I will not expect my body to look or function like it used to.  I have had a major change and I will have a new "normal".  I need to stop comparing the new with the old.

-  I will expect more time for myself and I will work on not feeling guilty about it.

So think about it.  Do you need a recalibration of expectations in your life?  Do you need to recalibrate the expectations that someone has of you?  Now is as good of time as any.  You can even call it a "come to Jesus meeting" if you want....but only in the south.

More Projection Please

Last week was my consultation with the reconstruction surgeon.  He said that everything looked good and that we should not do any more fillings (woot woot).  We talked about finished size and what I could expect.  The surgeon dug through the drawer and brought out multiple implants in various sizes.  Little did I know that the implants come in various shapes.  For me, we have chosen the implants with more projection.  They aren't as wide and flat as the standard implant.  They should fit my frame better and keep me from having big side boobs (because that look was so 2012).  When we left the office, I told Walter that I shouldn't stress out too much about the decision because I'll have to have the implants replaced in 10-15 years.  So, I'll have nice projection for the rest of my thirties and into my forties and then I can choose a different look for my fifties...maybe they will have implants in the shape of pyramids or dollar signs (who is John Gault) by that time.

My next round of surgeries has been scheduled.  I'm doing both the implant exchange and full hysterectomy and oopherectomy at the same time so I only have to go under one more time.  The gynecologist is saying that I should expect 4-6 weeks recovery time, but I'm not accepting that.  I'm going to shoot for 2.5 weeks.  I'm nervous about how my body and mind is going to react to having 80% of my estrogen cut off in one fell swoop.  I'm more nervous about this than I was the mastectomy.  I know my body and I trust what it tells me.  Systemically, I have been a pretty healthy person and have known when things aren't quite right.  I hope that I will be able to find this balance again and be able to trust my body.  I also hope that I don't do anything drastic that causes irreparable damage to any of my relationships due to crazy hormone swings.  Maybe everyone can cut me a little slack for a couple of months.

Again, if you need me for any high-emotional situations this summer, I'll be for hire! 

We Were a Hit!

At least, I'm pretty sure we were.  May 30th was the Northwest Arkansas Listen To Your Mother show.  There were fifteen readers this year and they were all fabulous!  I knew a few of the women before the table read a few weeks ago, but getting to know them more, was a real treat.  They were women (and one man) with such a talent for telling a good story.  The stories were so heartfelt and sincere.  They were funny and sad.   Most importantly, they were real.  As one of the contributors, I was not able to hear everyone on stage, but from what I did hear, the audience LOVED it!  I have also had many people reach out to me since the show and tell me what a great time they had.

A huge thanks to Lela Davidson and Stephanie McCratic for bringing the show to Northwest Arkansas last year and continuing this year.  I think the show will continue year after year and grow in momentum.  It was such a good experience for me.  I submitted a story last year and was not chosen.  My story wasn't very focused and I received good feedback.  With my recent cancer diagnosis, my writing was much more focused and I was happy with how it all came together.  

I know that they would love to hear from you next year.  There are so many good local story-tellers and I'd love to be in the audience next year when they are on stage.  So, put that pen to paper or those fingers to the keyboard and get your story down!

Thanks to all that came to the show and showed support for everyone.  Thanks to everyone that said that my turtle-shell temporary boobs looked great in my new dress.  ;)